MODERN PRACTICES OF SACRED SEXUALITY
(Excerpt from: Sacred Sexuality–A Manual for Living Bliss by: Michael Mirdad)

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The Role of a Sexual Partner, Healer or Therapist

Who facilitates sexual healing? There are counselors who specialize in this field, as well as individuals who have studied the arts of sacred sexuality. The latter group has much to offer, but a background in the psychology of trauma is highly recommended. Additionally, a friend or partner can learn some of the exercises to assist in facilitating the healing process.

There are, nonetheless, some hazards and potential pitfalls in having a friend or partner acting as the healer, rather than a therapist. If things go well, the healer often becomes the object of “transference.” In this case, the client believes his or her newfound awakening is inseparably attached to the healer. On the other hand, if deep wounds are awakened, and a friend or partner is assisting the healing process, then the recipient of sexual therapy might “project” some of the hurt and rage onto the loved one. This, of course, could ruin their relationship. It is also possible to have a mixture of transference and projection.

There are precautions that can be taken to avoid the inherent pitfalls of sexual therapy. Yet, with such a taboo subject embodying so many deep issues, there are no guarantees of avoiding transference and projection. In fact, in the practice of Tantra, it’s often expected that a student will become attracted (if not attached) to the teacher. This attraction is seen as a natural part of a student’s awakening process. If treated responsibly by both parties, it can become a valuable tool to deepen their mutual vulnerability and trust.

For sexuality to reach a level worthy of being called sacred, it takes the cooperation of healthy and aware partners and healers. This healthy attitude includes unconditional love and the willingness to understand (without judging) the need for sexual healing. In other words, partners and healers must maintain an open mind and heart. Furthermore, they must develop specific skills and learn the necessary exercises for their roles as partners, healers, or therapists. Their knowledge must include (esoteric and exoteric) anatomy and physiology. Last, but not least, for partners or healers to be truly effective, they must have clear boundaries and their personal needs and issues healed (or healing).

Things A Partner Or Sexual Healer Should Avoid

1. Making sex (in any form) the goal of encounters.
2. Making orgasms the goal of sexual encounters.
3. Ignoring the needs of a partner or client.
4. Ignoring the issues, inhibitions, and tensions of a partner or client.
5. Disconnecting or losing the ability to remain present with a partner or client.

Sexual Healing Techniques

All trauma seeks a home or hideout somewhere in the body. When it does so, it wraps itself in muscle tissue and makes itself cozy-hoping never to be found which is unlikely since it will inevitably cause discomfort. These same traumas also get lodged in the body in other ways. For example, the energy of the trauma stores in the energy field, while emotions related to such trauma store in the emotional body. In any case, something painful and foreign to the body and soul gets locked in. Sometimes these hurts begin to fester. Other times, they tend to go numb. Still other times the pain remains completely present and tender to the touch. Finally, at other times, the pain remains present but places muscular armor around itself. In such circumstances, the armor can be lovingly touched and gradually broken down. Of course, this means that eventually there can be a sudden awakening of pain in the tissue. When this occurs during a sexual healing massage, back off slightly and rub gently, vibrate your finger or hold it completely still until it feels appropriate to move in again for more healing massage, which sometimes has to wait for another day. Many individuals have sexual inhibitions or dysfunctions that include difficulty reaching an orgasm through intercourse alone. Sacred sexuality can be useful for healing such issues. Although sexual healing may not be the primary focus of the sexual experience, sexual issues of repression or trauma can be brought to the lovemaking session and patiently addressed.

All such repressed or stored trauma can have an effect on a person’s health and sexuality. The aftermath of sexual trauma can impact the psyche in such a way that it prevents a person from letting go and experiencing true orgasm. Stored trauma also results in a lack of trust, and of course, this absence of trust makes the experience of sacred sexuality impossible. The more often a woman has intercourse without taking the time to go through her natural stages of arousal and preparation, the thicker the tissue within her yoni becomes, thus decreasing her sensitivity. Furthermore, when she moves her pelvis too much, she unconsciously tightens her pelvic and vaginal muscles, which, once again, creates an unhealthy patterning in her sexual anatomy. Ironically, a woman may think she is sexually healthy and responsive to stimulation, but sometimes her arousal does not result from sexual health and vitality. Rather, it results from her sexual anatomy becoming hardened and giving off false signs of arousal.

The male lingam can also become traumatized from physical and sexual abuse, as well as from excessive masturbation. For example, if a man gets used to quick ejaculations from fast-paced masturbation, he can become premature in his ejaculations. Excessive masturbation might also make his lingam numb to pleasuring by a partner. The release of repressed pain from trauma often results in the ability to experience deeper forms of orgasm. However, it is not wise to expect such results, especially when sexual touching is for healing purposes.

When you give healing massage to the genitals or an adjacent region, remind your partner to breathe deeply. While you are massaging, don’t be surprised if you discover points of discomfort. As you hold and rub these tender regions, make sure to remain connected with your partner. Avoid sudden movements that may startle or harm your partner. Instead, move slowly.

G-spot Massage

The primary purpose for yoni (vaginal) and G-spot massage is to access and release any unhealthy feelings or cellular memories resulting from sexual trauma. Remember, sexual trauma can take the form of rape, molestation or shaming from others. Sexual trauma can also result from having sex without a loving connection with the other person involved. Cellular memories of such events are stored in the body’s tissue and, if left unhealed, affect a person’s health, vitality, and sexual response. Yoni massage is one of the best methods of releasing such trauma. A woman can do this massage for herself, or she can have a partner, friend or properly trained healer assist her. Whoever is chosen, it must be understood that yoni healing massage should not be done in conjunction with or prior to intercourse. The traumatized cells within the yoni need time to rest and reprogram. Therefore, the time after healing work is best spent meditating and connecting.

The Future of Sacred Sexuality

As humanity moves beyond the dogmas and stigmas that keep people imprisoned in a fear-based past, especially regarding sex, the human race will obtain a level of freedom rarely imagined. This vision of responsible love and uninhibited freedom will one day manifest for all people. This vision is at the heart of all religions and philosophies–even if they do not yet realize it. They all have the same underlying goal of returning to the All. The major difference between these various thought systems, though, is the form the journey takes. Nevertheless, out of this journey will arise a world of greater acceptance, one that honors and embraces the sacredness in all things–including sexuality.

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