Intimacy With Another
(Excerpt from: Sacred Sexuality–A Manual for Living Bliss by: Michael Mirdad)

Foreplay

Foreplay is, as the word implies, play-fullness before intercourse. Therefore, it should be experienced as such-fun and spontaneous, yet enhanced by tools and techniques to stimulate arousal. Remember, though, the deep connection between partners-not technique-is the greatest aphrodisiac. So maintain a connection to your own heart and soul with the intent of remaining connected to your partner’s heart and soul as well. Be sure to draw from imagination and spontaneity as the foundation for your tools of foreplay. But, most important, take your time. It’s been said that women fake orgasms because men fake foreplay.

Arousing a woman is different from arousing a man. A woman needs time. Foreplay in general, should be slow and lighthearted, rather than rushed or excessively stimulating. If you rush and overstimulate a man, he can suffer premature ejaculation. Overstimulating a woman can result in excessive excitation in her clitoris or G-spot, thus preventing the relaxation necessary for the deepest levels of orgasm.

The word foreplay has erroneously taken on the negative connotation of sexually stimulating acts for the sole purpose of achieving intercourse. In truth, foreplay can be a sensual, sexual experience in and of itself-without necessarily progressing to intercourse. Yet, foreplay can certainly be followed by intercourse. In fact, foreplay is so important that it should nearly always be a part of intercourse. Still, foreplay is not dependent upon intercourse.

In addition to the rituals of cleansing and connecting, lovers have many other activities to choose from during their initial stages of lovemaking. The repertoire of foreplay is far greater than genital stimulation in preparation for intercourse. The choices can include any combination of the list below.

1. Creating Environment
2. Cleansing
3. Connecting
4. Kissing and Mouth-play

The Environment and Setting The Mood

Getting Things Ready

Before a sacred sexual encounter, prepare the room that will become your love chamber. Place any necessary supplies close-by before you get started, so there will be fewer distractions and less effort for you and your lover, allowing a fuller surrender to the sensations of the moment.

This sacred space we create enhances the mood. It heats up my body, and I feel like I am in a trance. I can close my eyes and a blissful, dreamlike state washes over me-not sleeping, not awake I forget all my problems and flaws and dive into this idyllic dream of sweat and wetness that is too good to believe.
-Valerie Brooks (Tantric Awakening)

The undressing of yourself, or each other, can be done at any time during the initial stages of foreplay. Undressing might be included in the early stage of “creating the environment” or during a later part of foreplay, such as “massaging and connecting.” Whenever you choose to unbutton your partner’s shirt or blouse or remove his or her pants, remember that you are symbolically disrobing your partner’s defenses and exposing the soul.

Prayer and Meditation

There is no better way to set the desired tone for an intimate encounter than to clearly communicate your intentions and to use some form of spiritual connecting. This communing and connecting might include praying and/or meditating together or possibly reciting a heartfelt dedication to one another. Whichever you choose, a spiritual component always enhances the lovemaking experience. Such a connection honors God, as well as the divine within each other. This spiritual component sets the tone for the entire lovemaking experience. It activates the upper chakras, just as the sexual energy activates the lower chakras. Sharing a prayerful moment is one of the purest ways to bring two lovers together.

Sensual Accents

An awakened state of sexuality not only activates the body’s nervous system but also creates a heightened awareness of the senses. In return, the heightened senses raise the sexual experience to a higher level. Although many spiritual paths tend to ignore or deny the body and its senses, in sacred sexuality, you are encouraged to explore every sensation. Focusing on a sensation (without becoming consumed) is like a meditation that keeps you in the moment. Your complete awareness is focused on the here and now. Enjoy every sense and sensation. Use each sensation as a point of focused awareness, as in meditation. Then bask in each sensation as if nothing else exists. Expanding sensual awareness results in a feeling of liberation from physical limitations. Sense-uality nurtures greater sex-uality, which, in turn, awakens more sensuality, and the cycle continues.

Each of the senses is related to one or more of the chakras in the energy system and also to one or more of the cranial nerves in the skull. As you stimulate one of the senses, you activate the chakras, energy systems, cranial nerves, and cranial fluid.

According to The Prana Upanishad, an ancient Hindu text, the body is interconnected by the five elements of earth, water, fire, air, and ether. Each of these elements is related to one of the five senses of touch, taste, sight, smell, and sound-respectively. Since sacred sexuality involves raising the level of sensual awareness, it is wise to make use of any tools that appeal to and awaken each of these senses. Once you reach the limit of your five senses, it’s possible to expand beyond that limit. So take your partner through at least one of each sense-awakening exercise or technique-in any order.

TOUCH (Earth) – Foods, Bathing together, Body massage, Genital awakening exercises.
TASTE (Water) – Fruit, Wine, Essential oils and massage oils.
SIGHT (Fire) – Clean environment, Candles, Flowers, Dancing, Soft lighting.
SMELL (Air) – Scented candles, Flowers, Bath products, Scented oils, Incense, Potpourri.
SOUND (Ether) – Music, Nature sounds, Poetry.

Love is my ointment, my lubrication, my wetness that wells from deep inside me. Love keeps the body young, the joints oiled. Love is the tingling up the spine, to the neck, into the head. Love is soft. Love is forever. Love is the sunrise and sunset that continue infinitely. Love is the only constant, the indistinguishable. Love is the beginning, and love will be the end. Love is why I am here.
-Valerie Brooks (Tantric Awakening)

Sex Toys

Sex toys have been used throughout the ages. Today one of the most common sex toys for women is a vibrator. These come in various shapes and sizes from the most simple finger appliance to complex, multi purpose stimulators. Such objects can be a playful part of sexploration. However, since the goal of sacred sexuality is to nurture a greater connection between individuals and Spirit, everything about a sacred sexual encounter must be love-based, or it’s not sacred. Any addiction or dependence on such objects as sex toys could stand in the way of this spiritual goal. If such is the case, they should be avoided or used only sparingly. A vibrator should not be used as a replacement for lovemaking, but as a means of awakening the sensual body. Sex toys generally fall into one of the following classifications:

1. Oral Toys-such as edible oils.
2. Tactile (skin stimulating) Toys-such as feathers and scarves.
3. S & M Toys-such as whips, leashes, collars, and restraints.
4. Intercourse Toys-such as vibrators and various forms of dildos.

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